What I Want for Mother’s Day

This is going to be my third Mother’s Day as an official mom. (Technically it’s my fourth, but in 2008 Noah was still just a mass of cells in utero. I wasn’t even 100% sure I was pregnant.) Being a mom has drastically altered my life. Wait — is there a more extreme word than “drastically”? ‘Cause that’s me. So naturally Mother’s Day is a big deal to me. Big. HUGE. And while I will spend lots of energy recognizing the other moms in my life, I really do want some recognition too. This is not a time to be a martyr; this is a time to sit back and receive appropriate adulation.

You can stop laughing now. Or not.

A lot of moms out there are partial to flowers, or jewelry, or breakfast in bed. I am not one of those moms. I’m not super into “stuff”, as it were; I’m more into “experiences”. My DH has been known to kvetch about how hard it is to buy for me; I disagree, but I am apt to disagree just based on principle. So I’m going to make it easy for him this year — and anyone else who needs to buy (aka invest, aka leave a sacrifice at the altar) for a mom-like figure in the next week or so.

1. A  card is essential. The price of the card is not, nor is the pre-printed  message inside. What is all-important is the heartfelt personal message that YOU write. This may be tough for some guys. I get it. Don’t rush it — take your time, write what you feel. You might want to scrap 2011 and just start on 2012 now. Incidentally, there should be one card from each child and one from the babydaddy. Maybe even one from the animals.

2. Let me sleep in. Or at least let me get up and go at my own pace without having to race to change diapers, make the coffee, etc. It would also be a good idea to let me take the first shower, since this is one day you don’t want to risk the hot water running out while I am lathered up.

3. If any meals are to be made in the house, it should be optional for me to get involved in their preparation. But be forewarned: I will not wash a single dish today. So on Monday morning, the kitchen has got to be spotless. If that means every meal today is either catered or eaten in a restaurant, so be it. But a dirty kitchen is super-bad karma. (At this point you should remember that Father’s Day is five weeks from now, and I will remember everything you did today when I start planning.)

4. OK, guys: you have a mom. She is YOUR mother, not mine. Ergo it is YOUR job to provide for her recognition. If I end up taking care of this… well, please refer to #3.

5. There does need to be some kind of additional acknowledgment; you know, like a gift. Every mom is going to differ on what they want to receive; my list is probably going to vary from your own shopping list (unless you are purchasing for me, in which case I just made it reallllly easy for you). So here are some thoughts:

• I would like to have the opportunity to get the garden started. That means I need to go to Home Depot. You can come with me, or not. If you’re not coming with me, I’m not taking the kids along. When I get back, you all can help, or you can watch the kids while I am in the dirt.
• I would like an energy audit for the house. I would like for you to set this up.
• I have a to-do list that desperately needs tackling. The greatest gift you could give me is to offer up a number of hours where you will work on said list. The second greatest gift you could give me is to not b**** about having to be Mr. Handyman while you work on said list.
• I reallllly would like to have some time at the spa. I am reallllly bad at scheduling this, because as a mom I have a tendency to give away my me-time without a second thought. This is why my pedicure looks like crap. So please don’t just buy the services; I need you to schedule them for me, and I need to know that the kids are being watched while I am away.
• Before I drift off to sleep on Sunday, May 8, please tell me how much you love me. Tell me that you think I’m a great mom. Tell me *why* you love me and what *exactly* makes me a great mom. I know this is kind a replication of the card thing, but trust me… it’s in your best interests if you double dip on this one. Seriously.

I know there are some other mothers reading this. What do *you* want for Mother’s Day? PS Feel free to forward this on to certain people who need some prompting in this area. You know what I’m talking about.